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Website URL: divorceandlawyers.com
Friday, April 1, 2011
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Divorcing A Narcissist And Other JerksClickBank Marketplace Description:
If You Have A Difficult Divorce With A Narcissistic Or Sociopathic Spouse The Legal System Makes It Worse. This Book Is A An Eye Opening Walk Through A Divorce Journey With An Observant Narrator Who Brings Her Research Skills To Her Own Divorce.Category name:
Parenting & Families
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Divorcing A Narcissist And Other JerksWebsite META Title:
DivorceAndLawyers.com | An eBook Guide To Divorce – The How To Of Divorcing Narcissists, Liars, Jerks and Difficult Spouses
Website META Description:
If You Have A Difficult Divorce With A Narcissistic Or Sociopathic Spouse The Legal System Makes It Worse. This Book Is A An Eye Opening Walk Through A Divorce Journey With An Observant Narrator Who Brings Her Research Skills To Her Own Divorce.
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Chapter Seven - Divorce as a Gift?
Family law attorneys know how expensive, difficult and traumatic divorce can be. Most other people do not. I was one of them. This divorce was nothing like the one many years before. A small town lawyer in Vermont was my only reference point of what a divorce lawyer was like. Divorce, circa 2002, in one of the wealthiest areas of the United States, Silicon Valley, was a world apart. My first divorce cost $400.00 total. Now, the average hourly rate is $200 to $600 per hour. Divorce can be a nervous breakdown in slow motion as finances dwindle while hostilities increase.
I had no idea divorce was an industry with greed, power and ego as its hallmark characteristics. Santa Clara County has so much wealth that most divorces take sophisticated financial planning. This money also fuels the divorce industry. Tactics are used in such adversarial ways that harm is inevitable. A short divorce is fueled by the money and becomes complex and lengthy. When a divorce attorney becomes greedy, entire estates are wiped out in the frenzy from a hostile divorce.
What Happened When The Lawyer Took Over
Reality became distorted. If I wanted to talk to my husband it was called harassment. When my husband removed my sonâ€™s belongings and put a woman in his room without telling him, I was accused of alienating son from father. His attorney said that he could read between the lines of what I wrote and he found sinister things there. (It must have been invisible ink because I looked but couldnâ€™t see anything there.) I was confused, angry and felt the system was going to destroy all of us.
At one point one of my attorneys told me, â€œYour husband will negotiate soon, he will get tired of paying his attorney, he canâ€™t possibly take this to trial.â€ He never negotiated, maybe he was tired of paying his attorney but he did so anyway, and we went to trial. It was a case that should have settled; that we went to trial is a red flag to those contemplating divorce that even a conflict free divorce can become a battleground when egos are allowed to run the divorce.
The consequences of the metamorphosis from negotiations to trial hit me like an avalanche gathering strength the longer it lasted. The cost was tremendous in every way. To find divorce so confrontational, whipped into a major war by a fighter attorney, was traumatic. There had to be a way to avoid a high conflict divorce. The emotionally fragile process of divorce is made worse by the adversarial nature of the legal system. Planning, preparation and empowerment from information can go a long way to avoid conflict.
Knowing the role the attorneys play is critical. Seeing them as a professional resource with no hidden agenda is naive. Divorcing women all over have found this out. The first section of this book analyzes the legal systemâ€™s responsibility for divorce proceedings filled with conflict and drama. Using my own divorce as an object lesson I show how quickly things can go wrong and why it didnâ€™t have to happen. The second section has tactics and strategies to help avoid the high conflict divorce. Again I use examples from my own divorce.
Gender dynamics are inevitable when writing about divorce. I believe women are disadvantaged by their naivete; men tell me the system is biased in favor of women. I think no fault divorce and womenâ€™s socialization make them economically disadvantaged. Men tend to disagree. I think giving up years of income leads to income generating inequities and men have earning abilities much higher than their wives because of the wives. Men donâ€™t want to discuss this with me. These differences of opinion should come as no surprise.
Family law attorneys know how expensive, difficult and traumatic divorce can be. Most other people do not. I was one of them. This divorce was nothing like the one many years before. A small town lawyer in Vermont was my only reference point of what a divorce lawyer was like.